It is amazing how someone can wound you so badly without ever laying a hand on you. How someone's words, actions or even inactions can cut deeper than any actual blade. I have spent a large portion of my adult life attempting to prevent just this sort of pain. I have built walls and defenses that even the ancient Chinese would be proud of. Like the lyrics of Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah, "all I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you." I was good at leaving before things got too complicated, before I was so involved that the only inevitability was pain.
But then one day, in a fit of passion, when you are heady with love, somehow the defenses are abandoned, and the walls come crashing down. I know it is my own fault, because the only end result of vulnerability is hurt. I guess sometimes that can be a good thing. Most of the times we only really grow from those things that cause us to be uncomfortable. If we feel great where we are, why would we move forward? But right now, in this moment, I just don't see any point for this kind of pain.
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