Death by CL

It is amazing how someone can wound you so badly without ever laying a hand on you. How someone's words, actions or even inactions can cut deeper than any actual blade. I have spent a large portion of my adult life attempting to prevent just this sort of pain. I have built walls and defenses that even the ancient Chinese would be proud of. Like the lyrics of Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah, "all I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you." I was good at leaving before things got too complicated, before I was so involved that the only inevitability was pain.

But then one day, in a fit of passion, when you are heady with love, somehow the defenses are abandoned, and the walls come crashing down. I know it is my own fault, because the only end result of vulnerability is hurt. I guess sometimes that can be a good thing. Most of the times we only really grow from those things that cause us to be uncomfortable. If we feel great where we are, why would we move forward? But right now, in this moment, I just don't see any point for this kind of pain.

My first blog

I guess I am a little late jumping on the blogging bandwagon, but all my friends are doing it, and I want to be cool too! My life is not very interesting, so I doubt anyone will actually be reading my blog; but hey it gives me something to do instead of sitting in my green Goodwill armchair, where the arms fall off when you sit in it, watching Law & Order: SVU episodes all day.

My mom is staying with me right now (helping out after I had brain surgery), and she is watching Everybody Loves Raymond. I hate that show, but since I am "messing around on the computer" she gets to choose what to watch. It is really hard to concentrate on something deep and meaningful to write in my first blog when there is some annoying, loud show on in the background. The dog is also snoring, and this makes it even harder to concentrate on writing. I guess that is why I sucked at working from home, and I have two unfinished novels.

Well, I don't think this turned out too terrible for my first blog post (ok, maybe it does suck) but just in case anybody is reading, give me a second chance and it might get better, but I am not promising anything!