I think one of the fears we humans struggle with the most is fear of the unknown. I think it is the basis for things like racism and homophobia. As humans, not knowing, is one of the hardest things to deal with. Yet, as a Christian I believe that in this life I will never fully know, and that I am called to be at peace with not knowing. I think in my life God has definitely used illness to teach and reinforce this principle. So much of the past 15 years I have spent "not knowing." From not knowing what was wrong in the beginning, to not knowing where to go for help, time spent waiting for test results and not knowing what will come next. It is not easy, and like most lessons God has taught me throughout my life, I have to be reminded to be patient, to trust in Him and in His perfect timing.
Once again I find myself waiting, and sitting surrounded by the unknown. I actually have a profound sense of peace. Peace that God will be faithful in all things. And while I wait for the wheels to be put in motion towards the next decision that will profoundly change my life I am reminded of something I heard once: while you are waiting for God to open the next door, continue to worship him in the hallways! I feel like I have spent most of my life in dark hallways, but here I am with my hands lifted!
